On Lying and Liars

[sharan]

Recent events have made me think about the whole idea of lying and the people who find it very easy to do. So I just thought I'd post a general commentary about the concept in general.

I have always been pretty strict about always telling the truth, and had a really difficult time lying to anyone. I was so compulsively truthful that one time when when I was working at a movie theater as a kid and was asked if people were stealing candy I couldn't deny it (and one person reading this might remember that incident;). I didn't name any names at least). I'm a little better than that now, but I still very strongly believe in honesty being the best policy and do NOT like to lie to people (and hate when people lie to me). I also tend to assume that other people are being honest with me, which makes it even worse if someone proves me wrong, since that trust has been broken.

And really why do people do it? I guess some people start with little white lies but sometimes lies pile on top of each other and the next thing you know you're lying to everyone around you about just about everything. I've known a few people over the years who have taken this to the extreme where I'd consider them compulsive liars, and when it gets to that point people really do know because it gets VERY obvious. And people have a really difficult time trusting people who can lie that easily.

And why should anyone trust someone who lies that easily? If they can lie about one thing what's to stop them from lying about other things? For example, if someone is lying on a resume why should any company trust or hire them? That sort of thing can get you blacklisted in a career. If they're lying to cover up an affair why wouldn't they do the same thing to the one they had the affair with the second someone better comes along? And if they're lying to make a company look in better shape than it really is (which some big companies have tried in the past) once the truth comes out (and it always does) not only will potential investors and clients refuse to do business with that company but it could find itself out of business before it knows it and the people doing the lying could wind up in jail. Look at Enron. And in general, if you find yourself lying to cover up something, maybe you should think about why you're doing that something to begin with. If you're so ashamed of something that you feel the need to cover it up, then maybe you should reconsider whether you should be doing it.

Whether it's business or personal, lying is not a nice thing to do to people, and there are definite consequences if and when the truth comes out. Lying in business could leave you with no income or worse, as mentioned earlier. Lying in personal matters will make your friends have a lot of trouble trusting you, if they can ever trust you again. Long-time friendships can be irretrievably lost over lies, no matter how good the original intentions might have been. It can be difficult or even impossible to forgive people once they've proven themselves to be liars.

So I'm not saying everyone has to 100% say the truth at all times, but people need to watch out for when the lies go way too far.

Comments

[danielmedic.livejournal.com]

There are several different types of habitual liars. I've known people who lie compulsively about everything, of course, but I've also known, e.g., people who never lie in a relationship but cheerfully put down nonexistent degrees on their resumes. With this type of person, it seems to come down to empathy. They don't lie to other people who are "real" to them, people whose opinion of them matters and whom they don't want to hurt. People they don't care about are fair game. I don't condone this behavior, but I do kind of understand it ... and I have a far easier time understanding people who are honest with their loved ones but dishonest in their business dealings than those who do the reverse, which is a weirdly common type of "sometimes-liar" as well.

[sharan.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It's still bad but at least if they're being honest to the people they care about that's good. It's far worse when you lie to the people you supposedly care about. Of course I wonder how many of those people would take it so far as to invent some arbitrary excuse to end the friendship when they feel the need to lie to someone just to appease their guilty consciences.