Relationships
Oct. 21st, 2003 11:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sharanHmm. I seem to have a limit on how many friends I can have in happy relationships. One friend gets engaged and another has his relationship falling apart publically. And I've been able to see his side (and the other sides here), but right now I'm still not sure what I can say, because the whole thing is an emotional minefield right now, and I'm really not sure some people WANT to see both sides of the story. I know I don't even know the whole story but I always try to keep an open mind and see all sides of a story. I will say this though, he is DEFINITELY trying, which is why he's here at all. I guess some people are better at talking about things here than in person.
One thing I can say from experience, when someone keeps complaining about things in a relationship and trying to get someone to change it's usually a desperate attempt to save the relationship. And if the other side doesn't seem to be doing anything eventually that person will get tired of complaining and leave. When things were going badly with my ex-boyfriend I kept trying to get him to change, to clean up, to get away from his computer and actually do something constructive. Instead he hid behind his depression and sat on his computer and played games and went online and tried to take his mind off his problems instead of trying to FIX them. Eventually I got tired of feeling like I was turning into my mother and ended it. And once things were over that was it. There was no turning back and I had no interest in turning back. Hard as it was to end it I actually did feel better once it was over. To this day (6 1/2 years later) I'm not sure he understands or forgives me, but after this long it's hard to even care anymore (although I would like my books back someday:P). What really happened was I changed (a lot) and he didn't. At that point we just didn't have enough in common anymore, since I wanted to go out and do something with my life and he still wanted to stay home and play computer games.
I'm not saying this situation is as bad as mine was; every situation is different. Maybe these two can come up with some kind of compromise that makes them both happy. But right now neither one of them is happy. Hopefully 'talking' here will help them get things straightened out. Obviously talking in RL wasn't working.
One thing I can say from experience, when someone keeps complaining about things in a relationship and trying to get someone to change it's usually a desperate attempt to save the relationship. And if the other side doesn't seem to be doing anything eventually that person will get tired of complaining and leave. When things were going badly with my ex-boyfriend I kept trying to get him to change, to clean up, to get away from his computer and actually do something constructive. Instead he hid behind his depression and sat on his computer and played games and went online and tried to take his mind off his problems instead of trying to FIX them. Eventually I got tired of feeling like I was turning into my mother and ended it. And once things were over that was it. There was no turning back and I had no interest in turning back. Hard as it was to end it I actually did feel better once it was over. To this day (6 1/2 years later) I'm not sure he understands or forgives me, but after this long it's hard to even care anymore (although I would like my books back someday:P). What really happened was I changed (a lot) and he didn't. At that point we just didn't have enough in common anymore, since I wanted to go out and do something with my life and he still wanted to stay home and play computer games.
I'm not saying this situation is as bad as mine was; every situation is different. Maybe these two can come up with some kind of compromise that makes them both happy. But right now neither one of them is happy. Hopefully 'talking' here will help them get things straightened out. Obviously talking in RL wasn't working.
